Handling The Hard Stuff

Category: Divorce

  • Wellness Check

    I stumbled across this poem by Andrea Gibson the other day and I couldn’t ignore it. “In any moment, on any given day, I can measure my welness by this question: Is my attention on loving, or is my attention on who isn’t loving me?” This is so powerful to me because it is so…

  • Have the Hard Conversations

    Avoiding hard conversations in relationships just postpones difficulties. That anxiety and concern over the outcome of the conversations just festers and builds and ends up manifesting in more ways than you’d think. Studies have shown that avoiding difficult conversations forces us to focus on protection and survival instead of growth and adaptation. This ends up…

  • You Do Not Have to EARN Love

    Love is not contingent. Love is constant. Love comes without strings. You do not have to do chores or contribute to the household or slave to your partner to earn their love. You do those things because you are a partner, a team member, a co-pilot. But the love you receive should be entirely disconnected…

  • Pivoting

    Even the best laid plans can fall apart. No matter how thorough and well-researched you are in your planning, there are factors outside your control and sometimes those factors destroy your plans. Learning how to switch gears and figure out next steps from there can be the difference between success and failure in the long…

  • Silence Speaks Volumes

    You don’t have to buy in to every fight. You don’t have to correct every person you disagree with. You don’t have to educate everyone that you see is wrong. You can just NOT. You can just refuse to engage. You can just continue to disagree and not make it the central feature of your…

  • Don’t Stare at Closed Doors

    When a door closes in life, let it close. Don’t slam it, don’t try to force it open, don’t belabor the door. Let it close. And go find an open door. We spend so much of our lives forcing relationships. Over the years I have had so many clients come to me wanting to fix…

  • Quiet Quitting

    This is a phrase that’s come about in the last few years that essentially means you’re not “giving your all” to something. It is mostly used in relation to your work identity. It goes hand in hand with someone over the age of 50 grumbling “no one wants to work anymore”. That’s true Jim, no…

  • Don’t Require an Apology

    In so many of my divorce cases, my client will spend so much time and energy being angry at the way their soon-to-be ex has treated them. That anger often dissipates after the first month or so – people learn to cope with their new life, they figure out what it’s going to look like…

  • You Don’t Have to Be Whole to Shine

    Even at funerals people smile and laugh. In the throes of the worst divorce cases, I’ve watched clients find moments of happiness. It is ok – and incredibly important – to find good moments even in the midst of awfulness. The longer we live life, the more likely we are to have dents and scars…

  • Behavior is a Language

    How often have you been frustrated because a child or a partner or a friend isn’t behaving in a way you think they should? They’ve ignored you or they’ve shown up belligerent, or they haven’t shown up at all? That person is telling you something with their language. We’ve all heard “If someone shows you…