This is a phrase that’s come about in the last few years that essentially means you’re not “giving your all” to something. It is mostly used in relation to your work identity. It goes hand in hand with someone over the age of 50 grumbling “no one wants to work anymore”. That’s true Jim, no one wants to work. We work because you pay us to, not because it’s our life’s joy. Obviously this isn’t true for everyone, but work is work. Of course we’re not doing it out of the goodness of our hearts. I work for myself and still would quit in a heartbeat if I could afford it. Quiet quitting is doing exactly what is required to meet expectations.

I’m reminded of Marshawn Lynch giving a press conference years ago after refusing to speak to reporters for half the season. He got up and responded to every question with, “I’m only doing this so I don’t get fined.” It was perfect quiet quitting. I’m here. I’m doing what is required of me. But I don’t have to give any extra of myself in this thankless situation that won’t appreciate it.

How many of us are guilty of doing this in our relationships? You both know it’s a dead-end. You’ve convinced yourselves you’re staying together because of the kids or you just don’t want to deal with the hassle of splitting up your things or you don’t want the conflict that will come from having the actual discussions to move things in any particular direction. You phone it in. You peacefully coexist. It’s better to have someone than no one right?

What’s the long-term plan for that? Life is short. Do you really want to spend it doing such unsatisfying things? Yes, change can be scary. But if there is one thing I have learned, it is that people are resilient and resourceful. When you come out the other side of something hard you have grown and learned and are stronger than you were before.

Staying in a stagnant job or relationship or circumstance that you know is unsatisfying and unlikely to become satisfying, is wasting your short, precious life. Find what or who motivates you – even if that’s yourself. Don’t accept mediocre. If you are unhappy and uninspired and don’t see a way to change that within your current circumstances, it’s time to figure out how to change your circumstances.

Spending your life droning on in the doldrums is no way to live. Rip off the bandaid. Putting in the bare minimum in your relationship just to keep the peace but having no spark or inspiration to keep doing so isn’t helping anyone. If you need to end it, end it, but don’t prolong the misery of everyone involved just because change is scary.