Handling The Hard Stuff

Tag: Relationships

  • Use What You Have

    It’s so easy to daydream about things you’d buy or build or learn or get. And especially this time of year we are inundated with consumerism. We are shopping for others so we may as well buy ourselves a small treat or that thing we’d been eyeing for awhile. I am a huge culprit in…

  • Living with Pain

    Trauma and loss and regret can be so all-consuming. Often times those uncontrollable feelings come up out of nowhere. You think you have a handle on your pain and emotions and all of a sudden you’re ugly crying in the middle of a store because you see a shirt that brings back a memory. You’re…

  • Coping Mechanisms

    This is a time of year that is challenging for a lot of people with family difficulties or relationships that are ending. We self-heal in all kinds of ways. Other people may not understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and they may have a LOT of problems with your methods. Your coping mechanisms may…

  • Fighting Right

    Navigating conflict is one of the biggest challenges in a relationship. You each come with your own baggage and your own interpretations of other people’s statements and perspectives. And you each come with your own personality and sensitivity. That makes turning mole-hills into mountains a really easy thing. I struggle with this in my personal…

  • You Deserve Respect

    I read a quote recently that just hit me hard. “Stop trying to prove you love someone by how much you can endure.” Oof. That resonated way too much with me. Moreso in my younger days, but even sometimes now, I have spent a lot of my life putting on a happy face and being…

  • Neutral

    There are a lot of things we deal with that we consider bad or good, that really aren’t inherently anything. They’re neutral until we give them meaning or a response. For instance, Change is neutral. Some people love change and some people cringe away from it. But change in itself isn’t good or bad. It…

  • Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First

    So often we find ourselves working so hard to help others and solve problems that aren’t our own when we aren’t actually able to help ourselves. I have so many clients that report to me how they are providing homes for their adult children while being unable to pay the mortgage on their own. I…

  • Respect is Earned

    So many times I see and hear people demanding respect based on their position or circumstance. I reject that entirely. I have seen judges be petty and gossip. I have seen teenagers carry a family on their shoulders with responsibility. The idea that certain people in certain positions can behave rudely or cruelly and they…

  • You Can’t Control Their Narrative

    Someone mentioned the other day that you can’t control how others see you and somehow that was just mind-blowing to me. I tell my clients this all the time (and wrote about it in an earlier post) – you have to be prepared to be the villain in your former partner’s story. But somehow this…

  • Stop Beating Yourself Up

    In the past few days especially I have had a number of friends and potential clients berate themselves for “putting up with so much” or something along those lines. They’ll talk about a million different ways their partners failed them and feel such shame for not kicking that person to the curb sooner. They look…