I was reminded earlier about what life was like in my own childhood – we went outside and no one could contact us directly, no one got an answer from us to their immediate question, and people had to wait if they wanted to connect with us.

We returned messages at our own discretion. We were not immediately responding to every contact anywhere anytime anyplace. We were in control of our own energy.

That is hard to accomplish today. We respond to emails within minutes of receiving them. We read and reply to a text the second we get it – if we miss it we get a notification. Phone calls arrive on our watches or in our pockets or even in our ears. We are almost never disconnected.

I use my dog-walking time to call someone or listen to an audiobook or podcast. I send voice texts on my commute to work or have conversations with Siri about what my calendar says or to add reminders and appointments to my calendar.

We are so eminently connected that we cannot find peace when we disconnect. I drove from my office to the jail yesterday. It is a seven minute drive. I did not have an AirPod in my ear. I did not have a call or music or any sound coming through the car’s speaker. I just drove in quietude. It was remarkable. I couldn’t remember the last time I was alone with my silence. It is rare enough that It was a little disconcerting.

In a discussion with my assistant last week about organizing our office systems she mentioned she had a hard time getting things done because she was always responding to emails so it was hard to have a chunk of time to focus on more involved tasks. She looked at me like I was speaking another language when I told her to only respond to emails at specific times of day. It never occurred to her to just ignore them. Letting them sit unread and unchecked for two hours felt completely unrealistic to her.

These boundaries are important to our mental health. We are not beholden to our technology. It was developed to help us free up our time and find more freedom in our daily schedules. And I love that I can take work calls while I’m walking my dog or folding laundry because it forwards to my cell phone and I can work from anywhere. That doesn’t mean that I should or must work from anywhere at anytime.

I don’t check emails after 5 pm. And if I do, I definitely don’t respond to them until working hours the next day. I’ve instructed my assistant that we answer emails at 10 and 3 and if someone needs an answer sooner than that, they can call our office (and possibly leave a message). My work is not that time-sensitive for the most part. If there is something emergent like that, that requires an immediate response either it will already be on my radar and I’ll be keeping an eye out for it, or someone will call me to get the quick answer they need. Emails are in the normal course of business and responses happen in the normal course of business. They may take 48 hours. That is not an unreasonable timeline. Once upon a time we had to physically mail things back and forth to one another and that took a week or so either way.

Setting these updated boundaries is crucial for mental and professional health. If you’re answering work calls all the time while not working hours, you have set that as the standard protocol. That’s not a special exception, it’s the normal practice. So anytime you stop answering those questions at all hours, you’re perceived as not working hard.

Work hours for me are Monday-Friday 8:30-5. People can expect that they can get in touch with me during those times. I do not answer phone calls directly without an appointment unless it is the court calling. I do not immediately respond to emails. I have never lost a client because they did not feel I was accessible nor have I ever had a complaint that I was difficult to get ahold of from the court or opposing council or, really, anyone.

Your phone and technology should be freeing – they should be things that help you obtain balance. But that only works if you enforce particular boundaries to make sure it is not your electronic leash. Draw those boundaries with others and for yourself as well. Don’t immediately check emails first thing in the morning. Don’t fill every silent moment with sound. Don’t let work things encroach into non-working time.

You do not have to be accessible to all people at all times. That is not a reasonable expectation for others to have of you. Your time is your own, not theirs.