We go through the day choosing A or B all day long to the point of exhaustion. I can’t get out of the house without a hundred decisions. But not every choice is a decision.

A decision is a choice plus an emotion. A choice is truly just that – you try a different coffee syrup in your latte, you buy a new kind of cracker at the grocery store, you give a different hair product a shot. It isn’t a life altering thing, it’s just something new and different. New and different does not have to be an emotional experience. It’s a small change and you then check in to see how you feel about the change.

The decision is what do I do about this? Do I drink the terrible latte? Do I commit to this new hair product? Do I stay in this new boutique that makes me feel uncomfortable? Your decisions are based on your reactions to the new experience.

Here’s the kicker though – we are giving decision energy to every choice. We are wringing our hands and agonizing over every little choice like it’s a commitment or a life sentence. It’s not.

Be intentional about where you give your energy. Be aware of where your decision energy goes. Not everything matters. Not every choice should impact your well-being. You make a choice, it isn’t a good one, you make a decision to adjust for your own preferences. But choices shouldn’t have huge impacts on your world. Choices just get you to pick something. They aren’t commitments, they are starting points.

If you picked the wrong thing for you, no big deal, you can decide to do something else or go somewhere else. Choosing wrong is not a life failing, it is an opportunity for self-correction. The choosing, in itself is the victory. It’s a low-stress option. We try things. If we don’t like the thing we tried, we decide to do something different. But we tried the thing.

I give decision energy to so many dumb things. I freak out if my husband doesn’t choose the route I would have chosen to get to the grocery store – who cares? It’s just a choice. I’m the worst at restaurants. I give decision energy to ordering at restaurants. I have so much anxiety that I always end of eating the same thing. That’s fine, I like the thing I eat, but it is not a life or death issue if I order something new I don’t love.

Giving choices the energy of a decision can get us trapped in our own routines. That builds up the anxiety of deviating from that routine. It entrenches that thing with decision energy. When in reality, it’s just a choice. Only a test to determine preference. It is not big enough for decision energy.

Keep it in perspective. Make choices, analyze the reaction, then make a decision. But don’t jump to the decision. Don’t default to decision energy. It’s exhausting and keeps us in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety. We have a tendency to give most things in our lives more importance than they deserve. Start with choices, not decisions. Choices shouldn’t zap your energy. Choices are low-stress starting points. Decisions are the responses to our choices.

Have faith that you can adjust after you’ve made a choice. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or are less-than in any way. It means you chose. Now you respond. You are resilient.