I saw a quote yesterday that said, “If you look at who is in your circle and you’re not inspired, you don’t have a circle, you have a cage.”

It struck me and I started thinking about my circle – that is spot on for me. Even back to my childhood friends. My very first friend is an adventurous graphic designer with a keen sense for business and practicality. She juggles both sides of her brain incredibly well and has found a peace with herself and her life that is a far cry from who and how she was as a teen.

My closest friend since fifth grade has always been a standout. She was brilliant with math and computers before any of us even knew how to use one. She has always been comfortable with her knowledge and her place in the world and has soared in the fin-tech industry because she is, and has always been, perfectly willing to call out ineffective policies – and confidently subvert the patriarchy in the meantime. And in the midst of this she has managed to be a soft and emotionally-available friend in the world of hard hitting professional badasses trying to prove themselves. She has prioritized her family and her personal happiness and set a clear boundary of when and how she is professionally available.

Even my mother is an inspiration. At one point she was traveling internationally to teach teachers how to teach better – while simultaneously being the primary parent to two teenage children and running a horse business and farm. She has at various times in her adult life started entire new hobbies and excelled at them. Once she started running a little bit to keep in shape. That turned into years of races and a marathon. Another time she decided she’d like to know how to knit. A short time later she’s knitting homemade stockings for every family member. She has recreated herself multiple times over in her horse career and musical career, switching from teacher to performer and back again at various cycles. Her mantra is “If you’re green you’re growing, if you’re ripe, you rot.” She repeats this to herself as she, at 70, goes to help the local high-schoolers prepare for the spring musical.

I have loads of people like this in my network. My circle inspires me. Because these are the people I choose to put in it. There are plenty of other friends I’ve had over the years who aren’t a part of my core circle. They aren’t the ones I look to for guidance or future development. I pick the people that inspire me and put them in my circle. If I think to myself “I want to be like you when I grow up”, even if they’re younger than me and nevermind that I’m over 40, I want that person in my circle.

A circle doesn’t have to be reciprocal. I may be in someone else’s circle but they’re not in mine. That’s fantastic. That means you’re a mentor to that person, just as your circle mentors you. Share the wealth. Each one teach one.

Find your inspirational people. They don’t even have to be people you know. They can be people on YouTube doing what you want to be doing. They can be local heroes you only know about but don’t actually know. The key component is the inspiration.

Find the people that light a fire under you. Not the people that cage you in and keep you down.