Know thyself.

As we get older we learn who we are, but more importantly we know who we are not and do not want to be. We spend our lives learning and finding ourselves – new skills, new jobs, educations, partners. We learn who we are as parents and friends and who we are in our community and we shape our selves and find our niches.

We also learn what doesn’t suit. We learn to say no to things that don’t serve us. In my experience this is harder for women. We don’t say no to things, we feel a sense of guilt or obligation and we shoulder responsibilities that aren’t the right fit for us because we don’t feel comfortable saying no.

It’s time to stop that. You don’t have to be all things to all people. I know my skills. I know where I’m best used. And I know where I’m not. I’m great at small talk and leadership in the moment, but I’m terrible at planning and long-term strategy. I focus my volunteer time and energy into areas where I’m the MC of the event rather than the coordinator of the event because I’m fine standing up in front of a crowd talking to people but am absolutely overwhelmed by seating charts and catering menus.

You cannot do everything well. Focus on the things that matter to you and suit your skillset and do those consistently. You don’t have to show up perfectly, you just have to show up.

Knowing who you are and being realistic about what you can do unleashes a whole new definition of success. Letting yourself show up as you are, however you are, and with whatever you’ve got in that moment, is the secret for discipline and getting hard things done. Maybe it takes you twice as long as someone else – so what, you got it done. Is anyone else volunteering to come in and do it for you? No? Okay then, you win.

You’re trying to get in shape and you have to restart Couch to 5k four times before you actually finish it. So what, you finished it. Are you in better shape than you were on day 1? Yes. Poof – you win!

You’re trying to learn about money but it’s all so overwhelming and you find people on instagram with tips that make sense. So you don’t have an MBA or finance degree but you understand how to invest your 401k into index funds and you’ve maxed out your IRA? Congratulations, you’re killin’ it!

You have no idea how to fix your furniture but you can’t afford new things and want nice stuff so you watch tutorials on YouTube and figure it out? Well done! You don’t have to be a carpenter to build or fix things in your space.

Figure out how you learn and how you do. Set a plan and a pace that is in line with your life. Know what works for you and do that. If you want to learn or grow or change, figure out how you are most receptive to learning and growing and changing.

We spend a lot of time focusing on others. Study yourself. Focus on you. What works for you and what doesn’t? How does your brain process things? What’s hard for you to wrap your brain around and what comes second-nature to you? Play to your strengths.