I was watching the Oscars this weekend and was struck by Ryan Gosling’s performance of “I’m Just Ken”. I had forgotten the lyrics of the song and how focused it is on how Ken has feelings too. It’s such a trope in our society that we can’t have big feelings. We can’t talk about them, feel them, let anyone see them, or acknowledge that we are anything other than “fine” at any given moment.

It’s just so unrealistic. I’m hardly ever purely “fine”. I’m stressed, or anxious, or intimidated, or super excited, or exhausted, or amped or antsy, or enraged, or a million other things.

Expressing those feelings to other people is an important way for me to process them. I have a village of people – be they family, colleagues, friends, or my own journal – that I share with in order to help me process and get my thoughts organized. Sharing those things does not make me a weaker or less capable person.

Sharing those things with a trained professional is a requirement of worthwhile therapy. Therapy has become a well-accepted practice and everyone should talk to a counselor. So why are we so hesitant to show any cracks in our facade out in the real world? We aren’t robots, we are not unaffected by things going on in our everyday lives, why are we so resistant to telling people what we’re going through? Being honest with where you are on any given day helps you build a connection with others. When you let people know you’re in a bad mood or you’re having a down day, they are better able to accommodate their interactions with you. You’ve also created a safe space for them to talk about what they’re going through as well.

I’m not saying that every random interaction with a stranger at the gas station has to turn into an emotional spewing of all that you’re dealing with in any given moment, but when you walk into work and your work bestie has a freaked out expression, maybe you take a few minutes to talk through what you’re both dealing with to let off the pressure valve a bit.

Talking about your worries and fears and stressors and frustrations helps you process those things for yourself and gives others the ability to connect and relate to you. No one is perfect. We all go through things. Opening up the door of vulnerability in your own life allows others to see you on a more relatable level and builds connections.

Building that community is a crucial component of your well-being. You gotta have your people.