**This is not legal advice. If you want legal advice consult an attorney that practices in your jurisdiction.**

We see on television or in movies whenever there is a terminal diagnosis that people should “get their affairs in order”. But what does that mean?

In the United States at least, it means be clear about the end-of-life decisions that need to be made and clear who will make them.

Will/Trust – If you have things – a house, bank accounts, a car, really anything of value – when you die, it is useful to have a clear document outlining what happens to that stuff. A will and a trust will both do that, but they will do it differently. A will is a relatively simple document that says who is in charge of making decisions, who your heirs are, any specific items you want to go to any specific people, and exactly how you want your assets to be split between the heirs. A will usually requires that the person in charge (the personal representative of the estate) gets a lawyer and opens a probate case with the appropriate court. That isn’t necessarily the end of the world, it just has a clearly outlined process and takes a few months to allow enough time for any creditors (did the person who died have a mortgage or credit cards or medical bills?) to lodge their claim for repayment with the estate.

***If the person who died is left with more debt than assets in the estate, the heirs are not responsible for that debt unless they have co-signed on the debt. If the debt can’t be paid out of the assets of the estate, the rest gets extinguished. You don’t inherit someone else’s debt. There are exceptions to everything, if you’re worried go consult a lawyer that can give you actual legal advice. This is not legal advice.

By contrast a trust has a lot of heavy lifting during the creation of the trust, but the administration of it upon the death of the trustor (the person that made the trust) is usually much simpler. A trust is generated with clear detail about what happens with what items and whether there are any rules or specific contingencies required. Rarely does a trust require opening a court (probate) case or making the estate details part of a public record. It can also have impacts on tax planning and be easier for the surviving party or heirs to sort things out after death. Trusts are often more expensive, but also more detailed, specific, and thorough.

Most important in the immediate term is an advanced directive or healthcare instructions – different states call them different things. It’s hard to think about your death or illness. But it is even harder on those you love if they have to make decisions that may shorten your life and they don’t know what you wanted. If you don’t want to be put on life support, your family and doctors need to know that. If you want to be an organ donor, the people involved in making that decision need to know. These decisions are incredibly hard for your grieving family members to make in the moment. The biggest gift you can give them is to clearly state what you want to happen so they don’t have to guess. Some of the worst fights I have seen are between siblings who disagree what kind of care Mom or Dad would want.

It is hard to think about who should raise your kids if you die or when/whether you want to pull the plug on life support but these are incredibly important decisions to make.

The other crucial piece is that you have to TELL people what those decisions are. These conversations can be so uncomfortable, but in the event of these issues coming up, the people involved need to know they are involved. It is not a kindness to keep your children or whoever the decision-maker is in the dark. It only makes a grief-stricken time more difficult because these people are put in the position of making all these decisions with no frame of reference or information regarding your wishes.

Do the paperwork. Give a copy of your healthcare instructions to your doctor. Keep a copy with your important papers at home. Keep your will or trust in the same place. LET THE PEOPLE INVOLVED KNOW WHERE THE PAPERS ARE. Some lawyers recommend keeping a “death box”. A fireproof box where your important papers are, the passwords to get into the important accounts, or at least a list of what accounts there are, and the names of doctors, lawyers, financial advisers, and anyone else that may be involved in your end of life process. I think it’s important to have those things and I think it’s important for the people who need to know what to do to also know where those things are.

Death is hard to talk about. It’s hard to think about. But it’s important to face head on. Rip off the bandaid and make the important decisions. You never have to think about it again if you don’t want to. But taking that burden off those you leave behind is one of the most valuable gifts you can give someone.

In their time of grieving they will thank you so much if all they have to do is follow directions. My grandmother was so organized she even had a mockup of programs for her funeral and a draft of her own obituary. It made the actual decision-making much easier and eased the pain of the overall process.

Make the hard decisions. Tell the people who need to know at least where to find the important paperwork. Make as many of the decisions as you can so that those you leave behind don’t have to guess, and potentially argue, about what you would have wanted. Ease the process all the way around as much as you can.

No one likes to think about it. But thinking about it ahead of time prevents pain and suffering both for you and those you leave behind.