Even at funerals people smile and laugh. In the throes of the worst divorce cases, I’ve watched clients find moments of happiness. It is ok – and incredibly important – to find good moments even in the midst of awfulness.

The longer we live life, the more likely we are to have dents and scars on our bodies, minds, and hearts. That’s living and gaining experience and persevering. I hear so many of us refer to ourselves as “broken”. Yep. Ok. But have you ever seen a disco ball? That thing is made of a bunch of tiny broken pieces and it shines more than anything else.

You can be broken and beautiful. You can be broken and happy. You can be in the middle of breaking and still find ways to shine and make yourself happy. It’s about getting a break from the awful for a minute. You do not have to be whole and unscathed by life to be bold and shiny and amazing.

I get my breaks from the awful in different ways according to different seasons of life. I have had seasons when I went to zumba classes twice a week like clockwork just to have an hour of joy dancing to good music with a smiling bunch of friendlies. I wasn’t in charge, it didn’t matter if I was good, I could just follow and laugh and get some exercise endorphins. There have been times when my escape from the awful is spending a weekend alone doing a jigsaw puzzle and listening to an audiobook. Other times my escape was literally escaping home and going on a vacation or just a drive for the day.

Whatever it is that makes you shine, find space for that. If it’s just time to sit and stare with a cup of tea while your brain spins, give yourself that time. Build it into your calendar. This is my shining time, it can’t be moved.

When you are in the middle of the hard stuff – you’re ending a relationship, someone you care about his dying or has died, you’re adulting really hard, give yourself permission to shine. You can be sad, you can be broken, but find ways to let yourself sparkle too. Even if you don’t feel like sparkling, build in the space. Build in the thing. When you’re ready to shine, you’ll know how.

The two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be broken or breaking and still shine when and how you can. Give yourself permission and space to sparkle.