So much of what we do when we are young follows us into adulthood. Decisions we make about schooling, working, relationships, and how we solve problems as young adults has ripple effects that we end of dealing with for the rest of our lives.

As an older adult the consequences of your young-self’s decisions can bring a lot of shame and embarrassment. You’re digging yourself out of major credit card debt, you’re divorcing someone you married young, you have a criminal record that comes up with every new job interview or apartment application. The first step to getting beyond those consequences is to forgive yourself for making those decisions in the first place.

Most people are young and irresponsible in some way. Sometimes it’s merely that they were irresponsible to themselves and didn’t really figure out what and who they wanted to be. We all have our bonehead decisions that we’re dealing with years later. Some of us are dealing with bigger consequences than others, but what we all have in common is that who you were is not who you are unless you are still choosing those decisions today.

So at this time of year when we are all wiping the slate clean with a fresh start, start off by forgiving yourself for your past. It is what it is, you are where you are. You are not defined by those decisions and you are not confined to that life. You learned from those decisions and the consequences. Now it’s time to figure out what you can make of it.

Forgive yourself. We’re not carrying shame and regret into the new year. Accept where you are today and figure out a plan to get from there to where you want to be. Step one of the plan: Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Pick your head up and carry on.

No more shame. Just acceptance and appreciation for the things you’ve learned and experienced that brought you to today.

Carry on.