This time of year we all seem to find ourselves reflecting on the year that’s ending and setting big goals for the year to come. I always have these ambitious plans that I’ll then end up ignoring or sabotaging somewhere along the way.

Admitting the sabotage is the thing that gets me. We all have such pressures to be perfect or ambitious or present the ideal impression to the world, but none of the real problems get solved when we gloss over them.

My big challenge this year is to be honest with myself. Even if I can’t be honest with everyone else, it has to start with owning our own stuff. If I set a weightloss goal and then find myself ordering pizza every week, I can’t pretend that the problem is my workout routine or stress levels. It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me…

We all have these things. Whether it’s being irresponsible with money and then wondering why we can’t pay all the bills we want, whether it’s struggling to lose weight while also overindulging in food and sitting in front of the TV all night, whether it’s spending all our time at work and home and still wondering why we can’t find the amazing soulmate we know is out there.

The solution starts with us. We have to stop deluding ourselves. I know that I dabble in a weightloss strategy but haven’t really applied myself. I know that I could be more responsible with my money if I paid more attention. I know that I come up with excuses to justify the things I want to do rather than the things I should do.

Be honest with yourself. Stop underestimating how much you’re eating when you log i into your calorie counting app. Stop budgeting what you aspire to spend shopping every month instead of what you actually spend. Stop pretending this relationship fulfills your every need, when you’re actually ignored and unsatisfied. You don’t have to be proud of where you are with these things, but you have to be honest about it. If you aren’t accepting the facts as they are you can’t improve upon the facts or the situation.

Start with honesty. Start with reality. Start with being true to yourself. From there you can build the life you want, but you have to stop deluding yourself. Change comes from discomfort. Being honest with yourself may be uncomfortable, but it’s the only place to start if you want to change your reality.

It’s worth it.