This is a time of year that is challenging for a lot of people with family difficulties or relationships that are ending. We self-heal in all kinds of ways. Other people may not understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and they may have a LOT of problems with your methods.

Your coping mechanisms may make other people uncomfortable. We don’t always cope in ways that make things easier for other people and that is ok. It is your journey.

If you decide that you need to spend a bunch of time at the gym to keep your stress and anxiety at bay and feel healthy and confident, that is your prerogative. If you decide you want to spend an entire weekend holed up in your house watching Christmas movies and eating sugar cookies, you absolutely get to. If you decide to decorate your house with festive decor on November first and keep it there until April because it makes you happy then you go right ahead.

We do not need to live our lives for the approval of other people. Freeing yourself from that limitation is about the most empowering feeling ever. Who cares what other people think? You are doing what is right for you.

Self care is hard sometimes. It requires prioritizing yourself. Other people may criticize your decisions as selfish. Yep. And what? When you are healing and you are coping, you need to prioritize yourself. You need to do what is right for you as you’re just trying to keep all the important things together.

Maybe you don’t go all out this year on holiday decorations. Maybe you don’t have the energy to bake dozens of cookies for friends and family. Maybe this is the year you give everyone gift cards and call it good. In the years and months and hours and minutes of life, this will not be your defining moment.

Get through it. Do what you need to do. If that means you aren’t participating in holiday traditions with toxic family, good for you. Set the boundary and don’t apologize. Traveling for ten hours to have a tense weekend walking on egg shells with family out of a sense of obligation doesn’t sound like a fulfilling and rewarding bout of self care.

Prioritize the things that matter. Set the boundaries you need to set, do the indulgent things you need to do, and do not apologize it if makes other people unhappy. That’s a them problem, not a you problem. Part of the reason for that discomfort is probably because of an imbalanced, go-along-to-get-along dynamic in the first place. If you stop just going along other people will have to figure out how to get along too.

Make this season what you need it to be. Find comfort in the things that fulfill you. Be authentic to yourself. Risk upsetting others for the sake of your own mental and physical well-being.

Fill up your cup with joy and things that make you happy and bring you comfort. The rest will sort itself out.