I can think of a bunch of times in life when I hit a wall or barrier that made me stop and think about my path. Almost fifteen years ago this week I failed the bar exam. It was my worst nightmare come true. All the time and money I’d spent, the public nature of the failure, the failure itself! – all made me question whether this path I’d picked out for myself was really worth the effort.

I decided it was, and went forward with a newfound appreciation for my future career. It was what I was choosing, not just what I refused to quit doing. That matters. We get so caught up in momentum sometimes and a loyalty to a younger version of ourselves, that we don’t allow for growth and change in our life plans.

About a year ago I realized I didn’t want to do trial work anymore. This was immediately after a major trial ended and I’d been doing jury trials for more than a decade. I just didn’t enjoy them. I’d proven that I can do them, I just didn’t thrive on them. And I realized that a number of my colleagues did. I talked to multiple friends just as experienced as me, doing similar work, and realized some of them loved the trial part of our cases. They loved sparring with the other side and charming a jury and having to think on their feet and making the state prove their case. I did not. So I decided to stop forcing it. I found other ways to do similar work with a different schedule and approach. And found balance in the process.

I realized I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. I had to prove to myself that I cared enough to find something that satisfies and fulfills me. Turns out, work isn’t what satisfies or fulfills me – it’s a job not an identity. I had to work hard to overcome that need to prove myself to others and I was just forcing myself into a role that didn’t fit what I really valued or enjoyed.

I’ve had this “square peg in a round hole” feeling several times over the course of my life and most of the time when it doesn’t feel like a fit, I have had no regrets when something doesn’t work out. Whether it’s a relationship, or a job opportunity, or a living arrangement, if things just aren’t coming together I often let it go. Because I’ve realized the flip side is also true. When something is a natural fit, right from the start, it often continues to be a positive in your life.

Not everything should be a battle. Not everything has to be hard. Choose your hard – some things are worth fighting and adjusting for. Other things are not. Make sure your decision is intentional and serving your actual future goals, not just what you thought you wanted. Things can change, plans can change, goals can change. Forcing yourself to fit to a mold that no longer represents you, isn’t serving anyone in the long run.