I’m a big proponent of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I like contingencies, but I also like safeguards.

The basics to cover to be generally prepared for the worst things: (caveats – 1. this is probably only applicable in the US but I’ll try to be broad enough that it’s useful to discuss elsewhere as well. 2. this is not legal advice. this is general life advice and information.)

1. What if you’re in a terrible accident/something unforeseen happens and you’re medically unable to answer questions or make decisions?
   • Is your legal next of kin the one you want making decisions? I just realized that now that I’m legally married to him, my husband can make decisions and be allowed to visit me in the hospital. However, for the two years before that when we were living together and didn’t have a legal relationship, that wouldn’t have been the case. If you aren’t married to your significant other, make sure you have the documentation prepared that gives them whatever decision-making or access you want them to have.
   • Do you have life insurance in place that will cover whatever debts you may have? If you have a mortgage or other debts that rely on your income, you should have life insurance big enough to pay that off. Right now, I am the primary breadwinner. If I died the mortgage would be overwhelming in a matter of months and likely my husband would lose the house. Plan against that scenario – it would literally make their worst days even worse.
   • Have you talked about life support and medical care generally? Does the person that will be in charge of making decisions know what you want? I do not want to be on life-support for a long period of time. We’ve agreed on a nine month window. If I’m not improved/improving after nine-months, I want to be taken off support. Husband has a much shorter timeframe. If there’s no positive prognosis, he wants me to pull the plug. Whether or not it will be that clear a decision, who knows, but I know where he’s coming from and what his priorities are and can make decisions based on that. It is important to have this conversation even if it feels morbid.
   • Have you purchased adequate health insurance or saved/prepared financially for big health issues? Lots of people have different requirements and expectations of health insurance in America. Medical issues can bankrupt you if you are not prepared.
   • Do you know how to get/keep things paid? In families where one person handles all the financial stuff, it’s devastating if that person is out of commission for whatever reason. You should both know how to access whatever money there is in whatever circumstances. If you keep your funds separate, there are power of attorney or financial documents that can be completed to give the other person access to your finances under certain circumstances only (like death or incapacity for a period of time. You can customize these situations pretty easily).
2. What happens if someone dies?
   • A lot of the above is still relevant – insurance, financial knowledge etc. But there are additional things that come into play when someone has died.
   • Heirs – who will inherit what? If you are not formally married and you die without a will, your partner is entitled to nothing of yours. The law is built around legal relationships, not informal ones. Even legal domestic partnerships establish protections and rules for who is entitled to what. Setting up a will or a trust can make these matters clear for those left to sort it out after you’re gone. Generally speaking, a trust has a lot more legwork on the front side – it’s much longer to write and you have to transfer all your assets into the trust. A will has more legwork left behind – your family/heirs will have to go through probate with your will and process all your stuff. Either is still better than nothing at all though. Make it clear who is in charge and what the plan is so that those left behind can follow your wishes. If you don’t care, at least give them rules to follow so you don’t accidentally create a family feud.
   • Kids/Custody – One of the biggest reasons to put together a will or end-of-life documents is to establish who will have custody of your children if you die while they are still minors. One of the biggest issues that tear families apart is when people fight over custody of orphans. Make it clear who is in charge of your kiddos if you can’t be. It’s the last good parenting decision you may get to do for them.
   • Get help – death is sad and complicated. Most often, people are feeling BIG feelings and also faced with some of the most complicated legal and medical systems all at the same time. Establish a relationship with a CPA, a lawyer, an insurance agent, maybe a financial planner before disaster strikes, so that in the event of such things they can help you navigate the issues. If you’ve met with a lawyer to make your will, you have a person to contact if and when you have to implement the will. If you have purchased life insurance from someone, you have a contact person to help you make a claim if necessary. Ask them if they have recommendations. Most of my clients come to me from word of mouth referrals. Ask friends or acquaintances if they’ve dealt with something like this and who they worked with. Working with professionals can help off-load a lot of the responsibility to deal with the issues that come up and allow you the peace to grieve and process in a healthful way.
   • Speaking of getting help – get a counselor. This is so incredibly important. Work with someone to help you process everything that’s being thrown at you. Even if all it is is an hour where you get to focus on yourself and don’t have to be strong for others. That’s incredibly important. Take it.

Hopefully this list will get you to start thinking about just how prepared you are. I know no one wants to think about something like this. I cry imagining it. But it is also a very real part of life and possibility. You don’t want to make the worst time of your life worse because you didn’t do simple things to prepare.