Why do you do the things you do? Why do you work yourself to the bone or sneak midnight snacks or disappear into a book when you have chores to do?

What’s the root cause? Because you can’t expect to change the things that are causing problems for you, if you don’t understand the why behind them.

My husband eats really fast. We talk about it a lot. When he was a kid, he and his two brothers had to share one pizza whenever they ordered a pizza. Three boys, eight pieces. Everyone started with two and then whoever finished theirs first got seconds. So if you ate extra fast, you got more. Turns out that lesson is formative. His brothers still eat crazy fast too. It is an instinct that has to be unlearned.

We all have those. We do things we don’t necessarily intend to, just out of habit or impulse.

Taking the time to ask yourself “why” is important though. Do I need to go out to lunch because I’m actually hungry, or is it just because I want to get out of my office for a few minutes? I could go for a walk and accomplish the same thing instead of spending money or eating something less healthy than I’d like.

The same is true for relationships. I instinctively say no to a lot of things Husband suggests. I don’t know why. The best I can come up with is a sense of anxiety about not being in control or adjusting poorly to change. But we’ve both recognized that taking the time to process and think it through before I actually give an answer is necessary to get a real measure of how I think on an issue.

The overarching issue is living intentionally. Getting to understand the reason behind a certain impulse or response is important. Progress is figuring out why you respond a certain way and whether you actually want to respond that way or have to watch yourself and work past the initial reaction.

Think about why you do the things you do and whether that serves you. Be aware of your impulses and either embrace them or work to overcome them. Make who you are and how you live serve who you are today, rather than being vestiges of who you once were.