Were you raised from an early age to not make waves? If you’re like me, you were taught to not cause problems. Don’t be difficult. Hug people you don’t want to hug, be nice to people even when they’re not nice to you, participate in the gathering you don’t want to be part of just so you’re not difficult.

You. Do. Not. Have. To.

You can just remove yourself from this scenario. You can leave. You can sit in a corner and read a book.

If you don’t like your doctor or therapist, or feel uncomfortable – just leave and find someone else.

If you’re on a date and it’s not interesting you, you don’t have to stay for the whole thing and have an awkward “yeah we should totally do this again…”. You can just say thanks but it’s not working for me and leave before you order that expensive meal you don’t actually want.

Don’t wait until the “polite” time to leave or endure an awkward or uncomfortable situation just because you don’t want to make a scene. Life isn’t like Hollywood, people disengage from one another all the time and it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic exit. You can just say thank you but I have to go and off you pop to do something you actually want. We do not have to suffer through miserable experiences.

I recently had an uncomfortable and frustrating airbnb experience. I left an accurate review. The place was beautiful but not as advertised and particularly uncomfortable in a few ways. I explained that objectively. It took me two full weeks to mull it over before I could do it. I do not like saying negative things about others, but if it is constructive, objective, and could be useful for them or others that may use their services to hear, I think it’s worth doing.

You can say no to invitations without having a reason. I fight this one all the time. If I don’t want to go to a concert or a bar with friends that invite me, I’m practicing just saying “no thanks”, or “that’s not really my jam/scene”. If it is a circumstance that will cause you anxiety and you don’t want to be there, it is absolutely acceptable to just not do it.

You can be polite without being apologetic. “No thank you, I am not interested in that” is an absolutely acceptable and polite response to an invitation.

I liken this to trying on new clothes. Some things will flatter you and some things will not. It doesn’t matter your size or shape, everything will not look amazing on you. You do not have to conform your body to fit your clothes. You find the clothes that fit your body.

The same is true for social circumstances. You do not have to conform yourself and be polite and not make waves. If something or someone is uncomfortable for you, reject it and try something else on for size.

Seek out the things and people and circumstances that make you comfortable or put you at ease. You do not have to subject yourself to the things and people and circumstances that make you uncomfortable.