Have you heard of something called collaborative law? It’s the coolest thing in the divorce world since…I don’t know, there’s not a lot of cool stuff in divorce world.

Collaborative law is essentially the idea that you are going to behave like reasonable adults and co-parents from the beginning of your divorce case. In a collaborative law case each party has their own lawyer and agrees from the inception of the case that they won’t be going to trial. They agree to agree. The lawyers will not be representing them if they do wind up in trial at some point.

Basically you get two lawyers that act to negotiate on their clients’ behalves with the understanding that trial is not on the table.

Family law is unique in that the opposing parties will likely have an ongoing relationship. They have mutual friends, children, communities, and generally would like to be able to continue relationships with those groups. The less messy and acrimonious a divorce case can be, the more likely for future cooperation and sustained mutual relationship. Essentially, it is less disruptive for your whole community if you can sort your divorce case out in a collaborative way.

Collaborative law is a way to ensure that. Each party goes into the dissolution knowing and confirming that they aren’t looking for a fight, they are looking for a solution. Their lawyers are specifically trained and focused on resolving the case, not fighting in court. This initial setup creates a dynamic of trust, respect, coordination, and reduced-drama that helps families get through a divorce with as little pain and anguish rippling through beyond just the two parties.

Divorce does not have to be (and in my opinion should not be) nasty. It does not have to be a fight, it does not have to be vindictive, it does not have to be petty. It should be a joint resolution to disentangle your current and future lives. It is not a place to win points or deal with emotional pain. It is a place to solve problems and move forward.

Of course there will be emotional components. I often tell my clients I am the most expensive, least qualified therapist they’ll ever find. But of course this process is emotionally taxing for people. It should be, on some level. Letting those emotions bleed through into decision-making for the future is where a collaborative lawyer can help you. They’ll help you see the smart decision through the emotional impulse. The will convey your priorities – rational or emotional – to the other side to help find solutions that address those priorities.

Most of my cases get resolved outside of trial. It is almost always in my clients’ best interests to work things out and divvy things up by their own choice, not putting their whole lives in the judge’s hands. Nevermind the cost of paying a lawyer to prepare for trial and spend hours in the courtroom at trial.

Approaching your divorce in a collaborative way is almost always the healthiest and most financially sound method. It is worth looking into if you are facing a divorce and need guidance.