Do you ever hear people describing you and completely disagree with their assessment? My dad will describe me to people using works like “brave” and “ambitious” and “confident”, and I have no idea who he’s talking about because it most definitely isn’t me.

I think of myself as shy and socially awkward. I would call myself entirely risk-averse. I think I’m a follower not a leader, and I second-guess every decision I make or have made in my entire life. But that isn’t how he sees me.

The going train of thought is that our self-image is developed by about 11 years old. Isn’t that unfortunate? Our sense of self is defined by who we are in middle school! Our insecurities and identities are built around the most awkward times in our lives. It is so unfair.

But I’ve found this to be incredibly accurate. In middle school I was very much an indoor kid. I spent the summer of my 6th grade year doing jigsaw puzzles in my bedroom listening to country music. I was chubby, I was bullied, and I was constantly failing to walk in my older brother’s popular footsteps.

Today I’d describe myself very similarly. Despite the fact that I ran a 20 mile training run yesterday, I struggle to consider myself an athlete. Even though I started a business from scratch in the throes of a recession and managed to make a profit from the get-go, I still wouldn’t say I’m a risk-taker. And though I’ve been the head of at least three boards of directors and advised a number of non-profits and clients over the last 15 years, I wouldn’t really consider myself a leader either.

Realistically, I’m wrong. And you probably are too. If you are a woman in America (and likely elsewhere, although my experience is limited so I won’t draw those conclusions), you likely underestimate yourself. You talk yourself out of the big risks or the impressive positions, or the high salary because you assume you aren’t deserving of more or that you aren’t as big a deal as people think.

Yes. You. Are.

I’ve talked before about the power of positive thinking and self-talk. There are actual studies that show that telling yourself you are something rather than just someone who does something is actually more convincing to yourself. (The study I read about was the difference in someone that says they don’t smoke anymore versus says they are trying to quit). The person that says “I am a runner” is more successful at running than the person that says “I run sometimes.” When you self identify as something you internalize it in a way that you don’t if it’s just a thing that you do sometimes.

So embrace the flattering things that others say about you. Don’t limit yourself by the self-image you created at the age of 11. I don’t know about you, but I am a very different person than I was at 11, and some of my core personality traits are not part of that identity. While I still enjoy a good rainy day jigsaw puzzle session, I am no longer an awkward and chubby indoor kid.

My dad is probably more right than I am when it comes to describing who I am. A friend recently did an exercise that I found interesting and also mortifying. She asked 15 friends and colleagues – a mix of professional and personal relationships – to describe her in three words. She said it was really fascinating to see how others see her. She also said it bolstered her confidence pretty significantly and helped her get over some insecurities she’d been hanging onto since high school.

It’s worth really looking at. What is holding you back? How do you identify? How do others see you? Are you happy or unhappy with those descriptions?

You can reinvent yourself every day if you want. Figure out who you want to be and then ask yourself throughout the day whether that person would do X, Y, Z, thing you’re about to do.

Fake it with style if you have to. But intentionally be the person you want to be. And make sure the person you think you are is in line with the person others perceive you to be. If it’s not, take steps to change the one that’s out of sync.