When you’re dealing with hard things, everything feels hard and sad and frustrating and exhausting. But sometimes you can find good small moments in a day full of awful.

A friend was recently discussing dealing with the suicide of a long time friend of hers. She felt guilty for laughing at a meme online that day. She was supposed to be in mourning and she forgot for a second and laughed at something. I reminded her she is, in fact, human.

I read the greatest phrase the other day on this issue and it has stuck with me: “Life happens on a spectrum every damn day.” A day is made up of a bajillion moments. They aren’t all bad and they aren’t all good. Part of the joy of living in the moment is that you’re able to respond genuinely to each of those moments, whether wonderful or terrible.

Think about your worst day ever. Not just the big thing that made it terrible, but the actual moment-by-moment playback. Was there nothing good at all? Was the sky blue? Did you wake up well-rested? After the terribleness happened were there people comforting you? Did you have a warm blanket to curl up in or a cozy pet or loved one to cuddle with? Even my worst day, that had consequences for months if not years, still had some good moments.

Give yourself the freedom to enjoy the small moments. Even if you’re in the midst of grief and anger and sadness and big negative feelings, give yourself grace to find a tiny amount of joy or happiness or excitement. Take your foot off the gas for two seconds to smile at a stranger or appreciate a bird in flight or savor the first delicious sip of morning coffee. Your grief and sadness and big feelings will still be there, be allowing yourself a small break for the tiny good feelings will get you started back on the path to balance.

Find something to take joy in today. Something that is only your own that makes you happy. Maybe it’s a good memory, maybe it’s a delicious treat, maybe it’s a beautiful day outside, maybe it’s a cozy space inside. Take a moment to savor a tiny moment of good. Be in the moment. Lock it away in your brain for future happy thoughts. And then you can return to your regularly-scheduled program of working through whatever struggles you have to deal with today.

Small moments can help you handle the big feelings.