Sometimes things happen in life that shake us to our core. Other times it’s not any particular incident, but the erosion over time when daily challenges get in the way of our self-care. We find ourselves older and less confident or capable than we’ve ever felt.

Often during or after a divorce my clients are adrift. They’re facing the need to reinvent their entire lives. That is daunting. The same can be true after the death of someone close, or even a beloved pet.

How do we rebuild our daily life when a major shift has occurred?

Focus on the things you can control. Do the major things. Make your bed – even if it’s just pulling up a sheet. It will make you feel like you have your life together even if you’re a mess inside.

Feed yourself nourishing food. Even if it’s a banana and a glass of milk. Whatever sounds good and will replenish you in some way. Your body needs fuel. Even in the throes of depression your body needs good nourishing food. Don’t set yourself back by eating garbage processed food unless it’s literally the only thing you can stomach. It’s better than not eating at all, but your body will be more able to face your problems if it has decent food that it identifies as food not oil and other chemicals.

Set a morning routine. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but get up in the morning and go to bed at night. Even if you just get up and out of bed in the morning and move to a different location to sit or nap for a period. You got up. You have a schedule. Go to bed at a certain time of night. Again, even if you’ve been sleeping on the couch for the two hours prior, get up and physically go to bed. Set yourself an alarm on your phone if you need to. Routine and geography can do wonders for you when you don’t know what to do for yourself.

Move your body. Whether it’s a full on CrossFit class or a walk to the end of the block or a dance party in your kitchen, move your body. Endorphins go a long way to fooling you into mental health. Hack your body into a better place.

Go outside. Even if it’s for a minute on your way to your car or to get the mail, leave your house and be outside for a tiny bit every day. If that’s too much just be with the open window or door for awhile. Connect to the rest of the world through the sounds and rhythms of your neighborhood.

Don’t overcaffeinate. I have realized lately that my anxiety spikes really high with two cups of coffee in the morning. One cup of coffee, I’m fine and can stay zen all day. Two cups and I’m on high alert all day long.

When you are facing loss or overwhelming circumstances and the world feels too big, make it smaller. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on your own routine. Give your body the best ability to get back in balance and process what’s going on around you.

Be good to yourself.