Think back through all the times you have passed judgment on yourself. All the times you’ve said something cringy or put on a piece of clothing and poked at bulges or gaps. Think about all the times you have done worse at something than you expected, disappointed yourself, been embarrassed, been ashamed.

And then erase them from your memory. Can you do it? Can you truly wipe the slate clean?

Can you truly just embrace yourself as you are today and genuinely just like yourself?

I generally think I’m pretty good with myself. I’ve overcome a lot of insecurities over time and with a healthy relationship. I’ve managed to succeed pretty well and I don’t spend my time criticizing myself. And still, in trying this thought exercise I realized there is a lot of baggage still hanging on in there. How much of our self-identities and how we present ourselves to the world is based on who we have been in the past, rather than who we can be today?

Think about it. Think about wiping the slate entirely clean of your past and describing who you are today. Forgetting all the misguided relationships, diets, hairstyles, jobs, moves, all the things that have added to your baggage and just meeting yourself today.

If you went to a fundraiser or mixer or some sort of small-talk-heavy gathering and you met the you of today, what’s great about that person you just met?

So often we let who we have always been dictate who we will be. But that’s not necessary.

I counsel my divorce clients a lot about this. You’re facing a new future. Probably a future you didn’t plan on and haven’t thought much about. But this is the time for you to be who you want to be, not just who you have been.

One of my good friends leased a ridiculous car after her divorce. It was completely impractical, stupid expensive, and just didn’t make sense to me. She said “When is it ever going to make more sense than it does now? I wanted to switch things up a little.” And she was so right. It was the first thing of hers. Her husband didn’t weigh in on it, she paid for it with her own money, it was exactly what she wanted in that moment. It didn’t have to be practical, it didn’t have to make sense to other people, it filled her needs of having her own thing that she wanted and loved.

Think about who and how you are. If you are transitioning in your life from one path to a new one, think about how you want to move forward. You can just leave your old baggage behind. You can build a new life that suits your current needs and wants. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It has to make sense to you. What you want for you is all that matters.