By it’s very nature, hard stuff is difficult to handle. The end of a relationship, the end of a job, and uncertain future, grief, loss, fear. These are all things that often try to deal with on our own. But we don’t have to!

And honestly, we shouldn’t be dealing with this stuff on our own. Let people help you! Build your community! Be vulnerable! Break the facade of perfection that we all seem to be projecting out in the world! You will be a happier, healthier, person if you do.

A friend of mine was recently struggling in her relationship. It was a long marriage that always seemed great. She had spent a lifetime portraying herself as the perfect daughter and the golden child of her family. All of her siblings had been divorced or had financial trouble or other major life hardship so her perceived-perfect-life was that much more outstanding in her family.

After a few months of agonizing over how she was going to break the news to her family that she was contemplating ending the relationship, she finally ripped off the band-aid and told one of her siblings. And she received nothing but warmth and support and relief. It ended up bringing them much closer because finally the “perfect” daughter was a normal human after all. They talked about the struggles they’d each experienced in their relationships and how to deal with some things and how to work on things.

When we are dealing with struggles in our lives, we can and should rely on the friends and family and support network we’ve built up. We can and should cultivate that community so that we can both be the support to others and rely on them in our own time of need.

People want to help each other. Being the helper is a huge boost to self-confidence, mood, and perspective. Being the one asking for help equalizes the playing field, brings people together, and creates the opportunity for the people that care about you to show you they care about you.

When you are dealing with hard things asking for help is important. It brings people together. And the people that care about you want the opportunity to help you. They feel valued when you allow some cracks in the armor of perfection you’ve built. When you are vulnerable with the people you know and love, you show them that they can contribute to making your life better in the same way that you have contributed to them.

Rely on your people when you need a hand. Help them when they need it. Build a community and an interconnectedness. In this world of noise-cancelling headphones and remote work isolation, we need to actively find ways to connect with other people. We can all the handle the hard stuff a little easier if we can rely on those around us to share some of the load.