I am proud. Overly so a lot of the time. I firmly believe it’s because I’m the youngest in my family and felt like I always had something to prove. And I am beyond stubborn. So actually admitting I can’t do something – or everything – and need help is one of the most difficult things in the world to me.

When I was in college I ran out of money because I spent it all on spring break. I had to buy about $500 worth of books with no money. Rather than call a family member, who would have and could have helped, I returned every piece of clothing I’d bought over spring break to buy half my books and then checked others out of the library and made copies of each week’s chapter. I remember on class had six textbooks and we only used parts of each book. Once we got the syllabus I bought the first book, read the chapters and returned it. I then bought the next book with the same money, read the chapters, made copies of others, and returned it. I made my semester absolute chaos because I didn’t want to call my parents and admit to my ridiculous circumstance. On the one had I’m a little proud of my ingenuity. On the other, every time I tell this story my parents roll their eyes over my stubbornness.

When I decided to start my own law practice, I sat down with a mentor to discuss logistics. I had exactly zero dollars to my name and a whole bunch of debt. He had offered me an empty room in his office rent free for the short term, but didn’t have any cases to send my way and I had to eat somehow. He asked whether I could ask my parents for help and I immediately said no I would never it’s too embarrassing. And he told me something that has stuck with me for a long time.

The people that love you, want to help be a part of the big things in your life. Your family helping to pay for your wedding is them participating in the best day of your life. Your friends getting together and buying you a briefcase for your new job is them supporting this big new step in your life. And my parents helping me get on my feet creating my law firm, was them being a part of my dream. Allowing these people to do these things – accepting their offer of help – is accepting their love and support of you and the things you do. It is not you being unable to do things for yourself, it is you letting people in. You are sharing your biggest moments with them.

I still hate accepting help, but I’m getting better at it. I understand that we all start somewhere, we are all good at different things, and we all give and receive love in different ways. Giving people the opportunity to support you and help you makes you both happy. Ask your older loved-ones how to do things before you YouTube it. Get advice from people that have done what you’re trying to do. Ask for help when you actually need it. There is no reason to create chaos in your own life just to deal with a problem that someone else could easily help with if you only asked.

Let people in. Let them help you. Let them teach you. Let them feel important to your life. It may be hard but it is absolutely worth it and we can do hard things.