We have the best intentions. And then life gets in the way. It’s so easy to fall back into our bad habits and give up on our goals when things get challenging or our plate gets too full. But it may be easier if we hack the habit-forming system.

Tips to build the habits you want:

1. Reverse-engineer it. Start at the end – I want to bench press my body wait (I barely lift anything, I have zero idea if this is even humanly possible.) What are the pieces/steps/knowledge I need to be able to do this? Sometimes it’s a lot easier to develop the plan when you can clearly see and articulate the end result. I do this in developing my cross examination in court. I know the final conclusion I want this witness to say and then build a step-by-step line of questioning to walk them into that inclusion. Pro-tip for you young litigators looking for cross-examination skill. Starting from the end and then developing a path to that end is a way to be less overwhelmed and make a consistent formula for tackling anything that seems initially overwhelming.
2. Small deviations. I follow a woman on instagram who lost 200 lbs in two years through diet alone. She started just by measuring her food every day and logging how many calories it was. Not changing anything, just measuring it and becoming aware. After a few months of this she then started making some small swaps. Not changing the amounts, just having skim milk in her cereal instead of whole. A low-calorie English Muffin instead of a regular one. Small swaps that weren’t terribly noticeable. Then once she was used to that she’d change some portion sizes by like 15%. Nothing so big it was super noticeable or stressed her out. Because the idea is longevity. The idea is that this is for a lifestyle, not a diet. We’re not here for quick-fixes, we’re here for improved habits. Whether that’s eating habits, financial habits, interpersonal habits, whatever. First we start with knowledge. Then we pick some small change. Then we make the next. But rushing the process does not solve anything and is likely to remove the sustainability and more likely to make the whole thing too hard and blow up in your face.
3. If you build it, they will come. Set the scene. Do you want to create a habit of working out at home? Make a workout area that you want to spend time in (or at least don’t hate spending time in). Maybe that’s good music, maybe that’s lots of natural light, maybe that’s just an empty concrete garage that you have ALL TO YOURSELF. Whatever it is, it’s a lot easier to make a habit when you actually want to be where the habit needs you to be. Want to start writing? Make a comfy place to inspire yourself. Want to be more diligent in your work-from-home hours? Make a home office you want to spend time in. This year I’ve been working to untether myself from my physical office. I’ve had a designated home-office for at least three years and I have been terrible about actually using it as an office. But I’ve made actual strides since the end of last year and recently learned a secret. During the day, we keep the thermostat a bit lower in our house. But my office has a space heater. It’s literally the most comfortable place in the whole house. So it’s a lot easier to want to sit here and write blogs and demand letters when I’m cozy and comfortable and all the pets are sleeping at my feet. Make your space a space you want to be in.
4. Consistency – See my last post. Consistency trumps discipline every time. We don’t strive for perfection. Perfection is overrated. But 80% of the time we stick with the plan. And we come up with hard and fast rules. Do you have a plan to workout in the mornings and struggle to actually get out of bed and do it? Hard and fast rule: We don’t make the decision from bed. You actually have to put your feet on the ground and walk to your workout clothes before you can decide it’s just not the day. Solid possibility you’ll be able to talk yourself into the workout before you talk yourself back into bed. Basic rule – show up, put in some effort – it doesn’t have to be an A+ every single time. But you keep showing up and you keep putting in some effort. It will get easier and feel more normal to do the thing than to not do the thing. Boom. Habit.
5. Reward yourself – I work for gold stars. And lattes. And guilt-free lazy days. Using all of these things as rewards for consistency helps me get consistent. When I go to court and spend hours arguing with and for clients, I get to buy coffee. But only when I’ve billed a certain amount of money in a day. When I’ve worked out consistently for the week, I have a designated rest day and don’t feel like I should be doing X,Y, or Z. I build in positive rewards for good behavior. When we’ve been responsible adults and eaten the food in our fridge for lunch and dinner all week, we get to order out once over the weekend. (We’re trying to waste fewer groceries and spend less money eating out as part of our budget revision this year). Positive incentives are huge. We learned it as kids when we learned to swim to the other side of the pool with a promise of Oreo cookies (no? Just me?) and we can learn it as adults. Do good things, get good rewards. **Don’t bother making it go the other way. Life is too short to punish yourself for not meeting your goals. Just get back out there and try again tomorrow. Remember, progress not perfection.
6. Bundle! – We’ve all learned that tying our home insurance to our car insurance can make both things cheaper (i.e. better). But the same is true for habits. I’m a girl who loves routine. I brush my teeth, I wash my face, I put on a night cream (because I’m 40 and I like to go outside and play and don’t want to be a leather face at 80. Join me ladies!). But my brain races at night. So I’ve decided to incorporate yoga into my nightly routine to help me wind down. Because I already have these habits built, I just add yoga as part of my nightly habit. When you’re trying to create a habit, think about whether there’s already something in your day that is consistent habit that you can tie this new thing to. Is it 30 seconds of deep breathing before lunch? Is it a half hour walk after your morning coffee? Is it journaling before bed? Whatever aspirational goal, try to find a current habit to bundle it up with.
7. Track your progress. It is IMPOSSIBLE for us to see and acknowledge our own progress until it gets big. Sure, you’ll notice when you’ve gone down three sizes. But you may not really notice going down one. Document – with photos, videos, journals, internal reflection, whatever – just what’s different from the last time. Over the period of weeks and months of consistency, you’ll absolutely notice. And there’s power in making things public. The absolute guaranteed way for me to not quit something is when I post it on my facebook page. I signed up for a marathon and told people about it way before I was ready to start training. Use your natural shame response as a preventative for quitting something. Harness your stubbornness and ensure you will. not. quit. because you said publicly you would do something and by god you will NOT be a quitter in public. This maybe isn’t the healthiest mindset, but see 2) – small changes first.

New habits are hard. Especially the older and more set in our ways we get. But they’re doable. We can change. Change can be good. Small steps make big change. And big change makes everything possible. And possibility means freedom.