There are a lot of things that keep us from leaving a situation that isn’t satisfying. Whether it’s a job, a living arrangement, a relationship, or one of a million other obligations or circumstances that are dulling our shine. If you’re like me, you probably have given yourself a lot of “reasons” (excuses) why you can’t change. But are they really valid reasons? Are you actually stuck or are you just scared of an unknown future and the change that comes with it?

I get it. It is a lot easier for me to adjust myself to the current circumstance, no matter how uncomfortable it may be or how far it takes me from my ideal future. It’s the known versus the unknown. I can deal with the known, but I’m not confident in my ability to deal with the unknown. Especially if I’m dealing with that unknown all by myself.

Try to think it through though. Are you prevented from a successful transition or are you intimidated by a transition? Do you lack the appropriate skills or training for the job you really want or are you just underestimating yourself and giving in to imposter syndrome? Does someone else control your funds so you couldn’t leave an unhappy relationship? Or would it just require effort? Sometimes small hurdles disguise themselves as walls. We think something is insurmountable, but if you ask the right questions to the right people you can find a way.

The key component is asking for help. If you’re in a relationship that is unhealthy and you feel trapped, start looking for solutions. Ask the internet for local services, shelters, support groups, and resources. If you are worried someone will look on your phone or computer, go to the library and search there. If you are frustrated in your job but don’t think you can do anything else, talk to people you encounter in your day about their jobs. Ask them about how they got there. Ask them about what they like and don’t like. You’d be amazed at the kind of jobs you didn’t even think about if you just start asking people about their work. This is another plug for the library – there are a million self-help and career search books available for free from the library. You can even conduct searches of job listings (set up your free pages for such things as LinkedIn, Indeed etc.) and see what comes up. Look for possibility and inspiration in the listings that it matches you with. Think about whether you’re frustrated with the thing itself or just the circumstances – are you unhappy with the job you’re doing or just that you have to go into the office every day? Are you unhappy with the relationship you’re in, or just that you don’t appreciate one another the way you used to? There may be ways to change the circumstances that make you feel less stuck and more satisfied.

Change is hard. It’s scary, and it’s unknown, and it’s uncomfortable. But whenever in my life I’ve been forced to shake things up, I’ve been astounded at my ability to cope. I am more resilient than I knew. The toughest times I’ve had made me tougher still. We are resilient and strong creatures. We can do hard things. We can handle the hard stuff. But we cannot live an unfulfilled and unhappy life just because we’re afraid of facing the hard stuff. Think long and hard. Think about logistics. Come up with a plan for the first few days or weeks of big change. And then take the leap. Because life is long. And it should be good.